Sketchy Observations On Faith

The more I live, the more I am convinced that faith is less than a leap but a finger length. It's the distance one must much bridge to touch God which is an oddly short distance. More than anything, I think faith is just trusting God is who He says He is, that He is good. In the garden, methinks the sin was not pride per se, but distrust. Ever since, we've been fighting to vindicate God against evil's attacks.

One night, I was almost suicidal, tired of dealing with my social issues and depression because of social issues, fearing eternal loneliness, compounded by the fact I was involved in sexual stuff that was killing my soul and all that crisis had culminated in a hatred of God. I went to my abnormal psych class wanting to die (and ironically, that night, we were studying suicide)...In class, however, while watching a video---which was not especially dramatic in it's handling of the issue, I got this horrible feeling in my stomach like: oh! my mother would be devastated if I killed myself. And, at that moment, I knew I could never do it and actually, felt resolution and hope even. On the way home, Keith Urban's song "Memories of Us" was playing on the radio. I had just learned that mom had been praying for me, when she left me at school she had seen how much in bad shape I was. It had been Jesus in the class. And, again, Jesus in the car singing love songs when just recently, the theme in my life had been distrust. distrust of others, God, and myself. It had existed as a verbal thought in my head in the previous months: God, I don't trust you or anyone else. How can I follow you? Do I even want to? Jesus sang to me these words:

I'll build your trust making memories of us

And, countless times since He has. I am the battlefield.

I am a microcosm of the universe.

And so are you...